Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Seeking Prime Minister (Non Entry Level Position)

The government of Canada is currently seeking a Prime Minister to resume the responsibilities of good governance and leadership for the citizens of this great country. Located on Parliament Hill, the successful applicant will assume the role of Prime Minister, with an obligation to travel where necessary in order to service the will and needs of the government.

A little bit of information about Canada: 
  • Population of roughly 33 million people
  • Located geographically north of the United States of America
  • Renowned for being a supporter of peace initiatives around the world
  • Previously a member in good standing among the United Nations
  • In Possession of vast lands of beautiful wildness and abundant supplies of fresh water 
  • Hockey

Responsibilities of the role:

As Prime Minister, the successful candidate will complete all necessary administrative functions of the position and any other functions that become relevant to the completion of daily tasks. These functions include and are not limited to:
  • Having your mail directed to you and read aloud in your presence (Subject to personal discretion as current Prime Minister usually just pretends mail doesn't exist, resulting in it being stored in a community mail box and left unread).
  • Arrange meetings with subordinates regarding overall performance and recommend measures for improvement (Also discretionary as current Prime Minister enjoys taking out a pen and creating his own numbers, what you say is true often ends up being true if you say it enough times).
  • Discuss with consultants regarding important trends and topics that affect the quality of life and safety of Canadians (This one requires some work for the new guy as currently only the happiness of billion dollar corporations and total supreme control over everything in the country is being employed).
  • Attend events and display leadership with confidence and authority (Also in need of improvement as heavy scripting and fear are the current methods being utilized).
  • Assist in the good governance of this great country by supporting those serving in the public service and providing a good example of work ethic (Not to be confused with using tax payer money in order to personally fund individuals in your MY10 due to their financial troubles).
  • Defend your decisions with organized and professional reasoning that is transparent and balanced (Subject to change as current reasoning or thought process of incumbent classified).
  • Entertain foreign leaders and attend summits in foreign lands representing the best interests of Canada and the stability of the world stage (In other words, do more than just saying: Putin out of Ukraine!...meow).

The successful candidate will encompass the following qualifications for the position:
  • An undergraduate degree in Political Science, Peace Studies, Economics or Business accompanied by a law degree from an established Canadian school. In the absence of these, a lot of money from either your bank account or your families, if not...then know people who have a lot of money and are willing to donate or else this isn't going to work. You can't say I'm Prime Minister without having a lot of money!
  • Positive attitude with a professional and balanced perception of the world and its actors.
  • Friendly image with the ability to gain the confidence of those around you with ease (Or just have a lot of money to "convince" them you're good to go).
  • Ability to kiss babies and shake hands considered a great asset. 
  • Strong oratory considered a great asset, however not mandatory as the current Prime Minister reads off a script  reinforced with the notion that not listening to him will most likely get you killed by ISIS. 
  • Ability to smile and nod to a group of individuals reinforcing that your work will assist them while understanding that their children will be paying for the horrible acts you have committed. 
  • Thick skin with ability to take criticism from multiple sources. Accompanied with this would be very strong customer service skills in order to assure your subordinates that you actually care about what they think...almost as much as you care about what the people you were speaking to think as mentioned in the point above. 

While the government of Canada thanks all applicants, we would like to remind you that only those applicants seen fit for the position or for whom enough money has been committed will be contacted for an interview. The government of Canada is an employer committed to equality in the work place, if you are a member of a minority group or have a disability, please specify in your application as your chances of being selected, while dim, will require much more money in order for you to be considered.

To apply please send application to The Political Road Map Prime Minister hiring committee and be sure to add in the position in your subject title along with a general estimate of how much money you currently possess. 

Deadline for applications will be Monday October 19th, 2015 at 8:00PM. This date may be subject to change based on the current guy and will most likely cost Canadians millions as a result for no particular reason or benefit.

For more information please visit in order to view the posting in its original format. 

No comments:

Post a Comment